Chapter 38: Why...
Most unfortunate thing happened...
Roy's seat was directly opposite me! Feeling utterly awkward, we tried to avoid eye contact with each other by paying utmost attention at the producer, director and Roy's manager, since they were the ones doing most of the talking in the meeting.
I stole a glance at Roy from across the room. He was paying full attention to the director and producer, and was pretty expressionless.
Ying's thoughts: He still looks the same after so many months... But his eyes... The look in his eyes... Is back to the way when I first met him at the cathedral... Cold and hostile...
I looked back down at my pile of scripts, schedules, notes, etc and continued taking notes on what the director was saying.
Roy pretended to look through his script and stole a glance at me. I was already back to note-taking and was nodding time to time at what they were saying, while looking down to take down notes. He felt stab of pain in his heart. The woman he once loved, and still loved, was sitting opposite him now, but he could no longer call her his, as she now belonged to someone else. And that was killing him painfully, and slowly...
Roy's thoughts: I wished I had never left you alone that day... If I asked you to leave with me... You wouldn't be sitting opposite me now and treating me like a total stranger... I feel like I am invisible to you...
Producer: So Roy...
The producer's voice interupted Roy's thoughts and brought him back to the meeting.
Roy: Yes...
Producer: Is there anything you would like to voice out with regards to the script, since you've already read it right?
Roy: Nope... I'm okay with it...
Producer: If so... that's about all there is for today's meeting... See you guys for wardrobe fitting tomorrow...
Everyone got up and gathered their stuff and bee-lined out of the meeting room. I was the last one to leave, as I had the most things on the table, and I stole another glance at Roy when he walked out with his manager. His manager was saying something to him, and he was still as expressionless and nonchalant as before.
Ying's thoughts: This is going to be HARD... But bear with it... Just a couple of weeks and it's over... I can get my life back to normal... *ouch*
The baby kicked me. I placed my hand over my tummy and started rubbing it in circles soothingly.
Ying: Baby, you cannot bully mummy okay... Cos you are all I've got...
I took a deep breath to prevent myself from tearing. Then I gathered my things and went out of the room, back to my workstation.
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For the week, I had to bring Roy everywhere for his wardrobe fittings, bring him to the locations, sms or call him to remind him of his filming schedule, etc, since I was the production manager. I had to coordinate all the talents and the locations. And since he wasn't local, my producer had specifically asked me to take him around for the various activities.
We would sit quietly in the car, as I drove. He would look out of his window, and I would take the cue to keep quiet and drive. We didn't even speak once, out of the umpteen times I've driven him around. The only time we talked was when I needed to remind him of his schedule. Even then I just spoke the bare minimum, and he just murmured yes to everything I said.
I never felt more alienated from someone before. I guess it was partly my fault, as I didn't even try to make conversation. But I didn't think that he would want to speak to me too. So I stopped myself from starting anything.
The next week, filming started. The shoot would take place over 2 weeks, and I would be helping out for the filming, as I was due in a month's time, and would be on maternity leave after delivery. And the shoot should finish before I deliver.
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Last day of filming...
Director: All right everybody!!! Thanks for all your hard work!!! It's a wrap!!!
Everybody cheers and starts packing up. Suddenly the lights dim in the studio. Everyone was confused at what was happening.
Everyone: What's happening???
Suddenly...
*Happy birthday to you.... Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to Roy... Happy birthday to you...*
Producer came out with a cake in her hands, and walked towards Roy, who was quite surprised too. So was I.
Ying's thoughts: Oh no... I forgot it was his birthday today!!!
Roy: Thanks everyone... How did you know?
Manager: Cos I told them...
Roy: You... You guys didn't have to do this... Seriously...
Producer: It's okay Roy... It's just a cake... And since it's your first time spending your birthday in Singapore. We wanted to make it a special memory for you... Moreover it's a wrap day... So we have an excuse to celebrate today...
Roy: Really... Thanks so much... It's been some time since I've celebrated with a cake... with so many people... You don't know what this means to me... It's really a special birthday...
Producer made him make a wish and blow out the candles and cut the cake. After sharing the cake, the crew hung around to chat for awhile, before all going off since it was already late when we wrapped the shoot. I was left to help clear up the stuff. Roy and his manager left after the crew, producer and director left. I was left alone to clear the mess. I felt a kick on my tummy.
Ying: Baby... It's daddy's birthday today... I know you're happy for him too... But don't get too excited in there okay? *ouch*
This time it wasn't a kick, it was more like a tugging feeling at the tummy. It felt like a contraction. I quickly sat myself down and took a deep breath. I needed to see if it came again. It didn't. So I continued clearing the stuff. An hour later I felt it again, this time I sat down again to see if it came again. After 15 minutes, the contraction came again. I got myself up slowly and walked slowly to throw away the trash I gathered and locked up the studio. I walked slowly towards the lift, using the wall as my support. Once I reached the ground floor, I walked to the car. I needed to drive myself to the hospital. I sat inside the driver's seat. Another contraction came, and it was unbearably uncomfortable. I leaned my head backwards, closed my eyes, and took a couple of deep breaths.
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Roy was already on a cab on his way back to his apartment, but he felt uneasy and kept having a bad feeling. He had noticed that Ying was the only one left clearing up the studio while the rest had already left.
Roy: Sorry.... Can you turn back to where you picked me up just now?
The cabdriver gave a pissed off look.
Cabdriver: Can't you make up where you wanna go first before you get on? So troublesome...
He grumbled, but he turned the cab back. Roy reached the studio in 10 minutes' time and as he was rushing into the building, he noticed Ying's car with the door open. He walked over and saw Ying sitting inside the car, with her eyes closed and hand grabbing onto her tummy. He ran over immediately.
Roy: Ying... Are you okay?
I looked up when I heard Roy's voice. His face was all worried and he was squatting in front of my car. I took a deep breath and spoke.
Ying: I think the baby's coming... But I can't drive cos of the contractions...
Roy stood up.
Roy: I'll drive you there... You lead the way...
He got up and helped me out of the car seat. As I was in too much discomfort to reject him, I let him help me over to the passenger seat. He rushed over to the driver's seat and drove me to the hospital, with me giving him directions.
When we reached the hospital, he parked the car, and rushed over to push over a wheelchair and helped me get into it, and pushed me inside. I was arranged into a ward to wait for my water to break. I called Ning and Ting, and they rushed over to the hospital. When they arrived, my water had already broken, so Roy had to wait outside the ward for them.
Ning: ROY!!! What are you doing here??!!!!
Roy: I drove her here... She was getting contractions when we just finished filming...
Ning: NO IDIOT!!! I MEANT WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE???!!!!
Roy: *blur*... The nurse said I had to come out...
Ting: Why? I thought...
Ting stopped herself from blurting the truth out, as Ying had already told them not to mention anything to Roy, since it was already clear to her that he didn't want the baby.
Roy: What? How come she only called the two of you? Where's her... erm... the baby's dad? The nurse said only one family member can be inside... So I had to wait out here... Since I'm not a family member...
Ning was boiling inside. She knows that Ying didn't want to force Roy to take responsibility. But she felt that Roy being here was making things worst for Ying, she didn't see why he should be here when he didn't want to take responsibility. And what was he talking about the baby's dad? He was the baby's dad!!!
Ning: BAKA!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE INSIDE THERE WITH HER NOW... NOT US!!!
Roy: What do you mean? The nurse said family member... I'm not her family member... Her husband should be in there with her now... Where is he now?
Ning: ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY? YOU'RE THE BABY'S DAD!!! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
Ting and Roy were both shocked by Ning's sudden outburst. But Roy was even more shocked by what she had just said. He grabbed Ning by her shoulders.
Roy: What.... what did you just say?
Ning: You're the baby's dad...
Roy: Why didn't she tell me?
Ting: She did...
Roy was dumbstruck. He searched his memory. But he didn't recall Ying ever telling him about the baby being his.
Roy: When?
Ting: She sms-ed you when she knew... But you never replied... So she assumed that you didn't want to have anything to do with it... So she decided to take care of it herself...
Roy took a step back and steadied himself against the wall. He was too shocked for words.
Roy's thoughts: I'm such an idiot... I should have known when you mentioned the due date... And I even asked you about the baby's dad... How stupid I must have sounded... You must have felt so hurt...
Ning: Well... Are you going to go in or not? If not I'm going to head on in...
Ning's words interupted Roy's thoughts. He looked up at her apologetically.
Roy: I'm so sorry... I didn't know... My phone was lost in Taiwan when I left her that day to rush to see my sick grandma... That's why I wasn't contactable... And I was at my grandma's for a month... So by the time I went back, she was already gone... And I lost all contact... Until I met Milk...
Ning: You mean you didn't know this whole time?
Roy: No...
Ting: And Milk didn't tell you about the baby?
Roy: No...
Ning: Go on in now then... She needs you now... Explain to her later... Don't explain to us... We're not important... She's the one that needs to know all these... Not us...
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Roy walked slowly into the room. The nurse came up to him to stop him.
Nurse: Sir, are you a family member or the spouse? If not you can't stay in here...
Roy: I'm the baby's dad...
I looked over at him when she heard him say that.
Ying's thoughts: Did Ning or Ting say anything to him? How come he's suddenly acknowledging this baby?
Nurse: Oh... Then it's okay... But please put these on.
Roy put them on and walked over to me. He grabbed my hand.
Roy: I'm sorry...
Ying: Huh? Why are you apologizing?
Roy: I didn't know... My phone was lost in Taiwan when I left that day to rush to see my sick grandma... That's why I wasn't contactable... And I was at my grandma's for a month... So by the time I went back, you were already gone... And I lost all contact... Until I met Milk...
I was surprised at his sudden apology. And when he told me what had happened, I felt a huge stone get off my back. It was as if I finally knew why he left that day suddenly and became uncontactable for months...
Ying's thoughts: It wasn't because he was trying to ditch me... It wasn't because he didn't love me... It was just a cruel joke of fate... That's all I needed to know..
Ying: So you didn't get any of my calls or smses?
Roy: No... I only got your address and contact from Milk when I met him a few months ago before I came here for filming... And he didn't tell me anything...
Ying: Aaaaaah.... *ouch*
Roy: Are you feeling okay?
Doctor: I think it's almost time for you to start pushing, your cervix is already fully open...
Ying: Yes doc... It's okay Roy... We'll talk later... I need to concentrate now...
Roy grabbed my hand tighter and stood beside me.
Roy: Wakatta... Ganbatte kudasai...
I smile at him and take a deep breath. I push with all my might. After an hour of immense pushing and loads of deep breaths, I finally felt my baby coming out from me, and I heard him crying for the very first time.
Roy: You did it!!!
Nurse: Congratulations, you've got a baby boy...
The nurse passed the baby to Roy. He carried him gingerly and leaned over to me. I looked at the baby and smiled. I felt very drained and exhausted, but contented at the same time. I kissed the baby's cheek softly, and gave him my pinky to grasp. He took it immediately and I played with his little hand lovingly.
Ying: Hello baby... Glad you made it for daddy's birthday... And... Thanks for being so sweet to mummy... I love you...
Roy was smiling at the baby and then at me.
Roy: *giggles* He has your eyes...
Ying: Yeah... And your nose...
Roy: Thanks for giving me such a beautiful son... For my birthday... I love you...
He leaned in and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
Roy: I'm gonna go show our son to Ning and Ting first... I'll be right back...
Ying: Okay...
I watched tiredly as he walked out with our son in his arms. I could hear Ning and Ting's excited screams from outside. But my eyes were very weary and heavy and I closed my eyes slowly.
Nurse: Miss... Miss...
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