Chapter 48: Kissing in the rain...
I backed myself into the lift and collapsed down onto the floor.
Kiki's thoughts: Why did I have to see him like this before today's filming? I just wanted to block everything out for the day. All my feelings, all my sorrow, all my love... And be totally professional today... It's making things so hard for me now... I'm so confused...
The lift announced level one. I gathered myself up from the floor and took a deep breath before walking out into the bright sunlight. I put on my dark aviator shades and started walking to the metro station to take the train to the film location.
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An hour before filming starts...
The cast arrive on-set to prepare for make-up. Today's scene only involved Jaejoong and the female artist. So there were only two people I had to take charge of. Easy work. But for me, everytime I had to walk over to the cast holding area, I dreaded it like it was the last thing I ever wanted to do in the whole wide world. But I kept my front up and was very professional. I just didn't linger longer than necessary to give my instructions. And he too remained indifferent to me, and was all solemn and quiet, except nodding his head sometimes to show that he knew what I needed him to do.
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Filming starts... Down comes the man-made rain...
I stood near the producer, but far enough to not see the monitor and the actual scene properly. I didn't want to see the actual thing happen on the monitor, or in the scene.
Director: CUT!!!
Producer: Kiki, hurry in with an umbrella and towel for Jaejoong!!!
I had missed out the fact that I had to rush in with an umbrella and towel for Jaejoong everytime the director called cut. So it wasn't much solace hiding where I was. I still had to face him now and then. And I made sure I looked at the floor or somewhere else when I was doing it.
Assistant Director: STANDBY!!! ROLL CAM... ACTION!!
I rushed out from the scene with the umbrella and towel, and hid back to my hiding spot.
The scene entailed Jaejoong standing in the rain outside the female artist's house, pleading with her to forgive what he had done before in the past to push him away from him, cos he knows now, after Micky shows interest in her, that he is actually in love with her. She would be touched by his actions and rush out with an umbrella. That is where he pulls her into his arms, hugs her, and then... They kiss...
We had already filmed the portions of the female artist inside the house, and now we were filming Jaejoong's parts outside in the rain. After about two hours, and almost 15 times of me running in and out with the umbrella and the towel, he manages to finish all the lines in the rain, before the female artist enters the scene.
My heart started to pound faster and faster once the female artist entered the scene. I stole a glance at the monitor. She was walking nearer and nearer towards Jaejoong. I closed my eyes.
Director: CUT!!!!
I opened my eyes and dashed in with the umbrellas and towels for Jaejoong and the female artist. I didn't know what had happened before the director called cut. But I hope the worst was already over.
Director: We need to re-take that shot, it was an NG. Jaejoong, you need to look more in love when you pull her into your arms. Right now, your expression is not good enough... Remember, you are supposed to be in love with her... Okay?
Jaejoong nodded his head and turned back to face the female artist.
Assistant Director: STANDBY!!! ROLL CAM... ACTION!!
When I heard what the director said, I felt like I almost fainted. I steadied myself and got out of the scene. Jaejoong stole a glance at me when I walked out of the man-made rain with the umbrella and towel in my hand.
Jaejoong's thoughts: There's no way I can get this over with... With Kiki around... I just can't think about anything else but her... how terrible she must be feeling... I wished that I could just get this over with in one take... For her sake and mine... But I can't... Unless... Unless I pretend that she is Kiki...
Kiki's thoughts: I don't think I can take this any much longer... It's even worst when I heard it from them... I'd rather see it with my own eyes... But... Please let this be over and done with fast...
I kept my eyes open this time. I looked at the monitor as the scene was shot. The way he looked at her, the expression in his eyes... the love in his eyes... was the same as when he looked at me... When he pulled her into his arms, I felt my eyes blurring as tears welled in my eyes.
Then it happened...
He kissed her...
Director: CUT!!!! Good take!!! Okay one more good take for safety...
I blinked hard to clear my eyes and rushed in with the umbrellas and towels again.
Assistant Director: STANDBY!!! ROLL CAM... ACTION!!
And he did it again...
I felt my head start hurting from forcing my tears back into my eyes...
Director: CUT!!!! Good take!!! Okay now we need to take a reverse over the shoulder of Jaejoong.
I rushed in with the umbrellas and towels again, as the crew shifted the equipment around.
Assistant Director: STANDBY!!!
I rushed out.
Assistant Director: ROLL CAM... ACTION!!!
And he did it again... And again... And again...
Director: CUT!!!! Good job... It's a wrap!!!
About another two hours later, the scene was finally finished. And he had probably kissed her about 10 times for the various angles required by the director. I was already half wet myself from running in and out with the umbrellas and towels.
Assistant Director: Kiki, you can let the cast change out of their wet clothes already. They're done for the day...
Kiki: Yes... I'll do that...
I went over to the cast holding area where the two were standing drying themselves.
Kiki: Guys, you are done for the day. You can go change out of your wet clothes first, pass them to the wardrobe coordinator, and you can take your leave. Good job... I'll update you again on your next filming date soon. Thanks.
Female artist: Kamsa hamnida Kiki-shi...
I smiled and took my leave.
Jaejoong looked at me as I walked away. He had wanted to make a comment about my wet clothes, but I avoided eye contact and turned before he could open his mouth.
Jaejoong's thoughts: You should get out of those wet clothes too... Don't get sick...
Seeing me busy myself with packing up, he left with the female artist and the wardrobe to get out of the wet clothes. And he left first with his manager, while I helped clear up the set and made sure everything was back to normal for the house owners before thanking them and taking my leave. By then all the crew had already left the location. When I walked out of the house, I stood at the wet front door for a while, looking at the puddles of water. There were ripples in the puddles caused by a slight drizzle. I lifted my palm up to check, there were drops of rain. I rummaged through my bag, and realised that my umbrella was also taken away by the crew when they packed the stuff earlier. I could hear the rain approaching, and it started pouring heavily. I looked up at the sky.
Kiki's thoughts: Are you crying for me? Or are you making a fool out of me?
I walked in the rain without an umbrella towards the metro station. By the time I reached the metro station, I was already totally drenched to my skin. Commuters stared at me when I boarded the train and left a pool of water where I was standing. I pulled my hoodie on and kept my head down and looked out into the window screen as the train moved, as I was feeling uncomfortable with all the eyes staring at me.
An hour later, I reached my station and got off. It was raining even heavier than before. I could hardly see the streets well. And the sky had already turned so dark from the storm clouds. I looked up at the sky. Many commuters were hanging around the entrance staring at the heavy rain. They were waiting for it to cease before they walked out.
Kiki's thoughts: You must think I am a complete fool... Oh well... I guess I am... But this babo just wants to get home after work, and all you want to do is to make things difficult for me?
Thunder struck.
Kiki's thoughts: I take that as a yes... But you're not getting me down... I'm gonna get home, no matter what... You can rain all you want... I don't care anymore... I'm already drenched anyway...
I started walking into the rain. Without an umbrella. Again, everyone stared at me. But no one bothered to offer me an umbrella. Not even one soul.
As I walked on, tears started flowing down my eyes. My tears were mixed with the rain. Someone walking near me won't be able to even notice that I was crying. They would have thought that it was the rain.
When I reached the apartment building, I looked up.
Kiki's thoughts: He must be home by now. But... I don't think... I don't think I am ready to see him now...
I turned and started walking away without a destination in mind.
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Jaejoong was staring at the window out into the rain. He felt terrible for Kiki having to witness him kissing another girl. And for so many times. She must have been in so much pain. Cos he felt the guilt and regret rushing into him everytime the director shouted cut, and Kiki had to rush in with the umbrellas and towels with a straight face. He was in pain too. Probably as much pain as she was in.
Micky: Hyung, what are you doing over the window? How was filming today? Everything alright?
Jaejoong: I guess so... It took four hours...
U-Know: That's pretty fast... So no NGs?
Jaejoong: No...
Xiah: That's good to hear...
Jaejoong: Yeah... But we had to take several takes for each angle... So...
Max: So how many times did you kiss the female artist today?
Jaejoong: I don't know... I lost count...
Max: Wow... Let me guess.... 4 hours... Hmmm.... 10 times???
Jaejoong: I guess it was around there...
Max: So how was it?
All: MAX!!!!
Jaejoong turned and looked at them.
Jaejoong: I pretended that she was Kiki...
Micky: You WHAT???!!!!!
Jaejoong: I pretended that she was Kiki... I made myself believe that she is Kiki when I kissed her... That was the only way I could do it... If I didn't there'll be so many NGs, you won't be able to imagine...
U-Know: Hyung... You don't go pretending that someone else is the one you love, in front of the one you love...
Xiah: Yeah... Imagine how hurt Kiki will feel... when she sees you looking at another girl and kissing her, the same way that you look and kiss her...
Jaejoong turned back to stare out of the window. He looked down at the rain pounding mercilessly onto the pavement floor downstairs. He noticed a familiar figure walking in the rain towards the building, but he wasn't sure, as the rain was so heavy it blurred the person's face. Then he notice the person look up at the building for a while, and then walk away in the rain. Then he noticed the red crumpler bag that Kiki always carried to work on that person in the rain. He jerked up from the window sill.
The guys rushed towards the window when they saw him stand up suddenly. They could see Kiki walking away.
Max: Isn't that Nuna? Why is she walking in the rain without an umbrella? And why isn't she coming home in this weather? Where is she going?
Jaejoong rushed towards the door and grabbed an umbrella and his jacket.
Jaejoong: Don't worry guys... I know what I need to do... Just give me some time to get her back yeah... Mianeyo...
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I walked aimlessly in the rain. And found myself at a nearby park. No one was out due to the rain. I was all alone. I sat down on a park bench, and crumpled into a bundle, rocking myself to and fro and tears flowed down my face.
Jaejoong searched aimlessly in the rain. Uncertain where I had gone to, as I was already gone by the time he got downstairs.
Jaejoong's thoughts: Where are you? Where are you, Kiki? God, please let me find you...
He wandered around aimlessly for 15 minutes and walked into a park. He noticed someone bundled up on a park bench with the face hidden from view. Even though he couldn't see my face, he knew it was Kiki. He walked over to me.
I looked up when I heard the sound of rain falling onto an umbrella. Then I saw Jaejoong standing in front of me, with an umbrella over me. When Jaejoong saw my red and swollen eyes, he didn't know what to say. I got up and walked away from Jaejoong. He gave chase.
Jaejoong: Kiki... Stop... You're gonna get sick walking in the rain like this...
He tried to grab me and pull me under the umbrella. I flung his arm away.
Kiki: You don't want me bugging you... So just leave me alone and let me be... I won't be a burden to you... I can take care of myself...
Jaejoong tried again to grab me. I struggled to free myself but ended up falling down onto the slippery wet floor. Jaejoong flung the umbrella away and rushed over.
Jaejoong: Are you okay?
Kiki: Just leave me alone...
I tried to push him away and get up, but he had his hands firmly on my shoulders.
Jaejoong: Mianeyo... Miane... I didn't mean to shout at you that day... I was just jealous cos the guy was flirting with you... I was so angry... I...
I looked away. I felt his grip tighten around me.
Jaejoong: Please... Listen to me Kiki... Don't turn away from me now... Please...
He shook me and pulled me nearer to him.
Jaejoong: Let's just say anger got the better of me, and I made you the target of my anger... Even though it was no fault of yours... I just couldn't stand seeing you talking like that to another guy...
I looked up at him.
Kiki: You're being ridiculous... You know... It's just work... Like your... work... I have mine... We both know there are some things that we have to do... It's inevitable... And it's not like it's only the two of us, I'm getting everyone for the dinner... And... And...
Jaejoong looked with guilt and remorse into my eyes. I felt my heart soften. I placed my hand on his face.
Kiki: I already got you... In my heart... No one can take that place...
Jaejoong: I know... I am a bad-tempered, easily jealous and angry boyfriend... Will you still love me now?
He grabbed hold of my hand on his face.
Kiki: I think I already can't fall for anyone else... Since I've already agreed to your proposal... Unless you fancy someone else... And decide to call off your proposal... Cos you looked at the female artist so lovingly today during filming...
Jaejoong: *giggle* Then I guess my heart isn't going to be broken afterall... Cos there is no one.... but you... for me...
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly.
Jaejoong: You know something?
Kiki: Huh?
Jaejoong: During the shoot, I pretended that she was you...
Kiki: HUH?!!!!
Jaejoong: I pretended that I was kissing you when I kissed her...
Kiki: WHAT!!!!
I pushed myself away from him and looked at him with wide open eyes full of shock.
Jaejoong: That was the only way I could do it... Otherwise I'd be NG-ing over and over again... I didn't want to prolong the pain for you or me... So I did what I thought would be the best...
Kiki: You don't go around pretending someone else is the person you love... It's unfair to the person as well as to the one you love...
Jaejoong: I know... But I can't kiss someone I don't love... I just can't... I admit... I'm not a good enough actor... I can't make-believe...
Kiki: Well then, you sure did a good job today... Everyone believed that your character loved hers when you kissed her...
Jaejoong: That's cos I pretended I was kissing you...
Kiki: Don't ever do that again... I'd rather see you NG a million times, than to know that you're imagining that you are kissing me when you are kissing someone else... The feeling is just not right... The way you looked at her... I can't accept it... Call me jealous or whatever... But when you say that you are kissing me, I want it to be really me that you are kissing... Not someone else that you are imagining to be me...
Jaejoong: I understand... I'll only kiss you from now on then...
He leaned forward with his eyes closed. I blocked his advance with my hand.
Kiki: I didn't say I'm letting you kiss me now... Haven't you already had enough kissing for a day?
Jaejoong: But it's not REAL kissing, when it's not you that I'm kissing...
He pulled me nearer to him, tilted my chin up and leaned in and gave me a kiss.
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