Never believed in miracles, till I met you...
Never believed in angels, till I saw you...
Never believed in love, till I knew you...
The thing about love is...
It loves to hit you when you least expect it...
The MORE you YEARN for it...
The FURTHER it HIDES from you...
But...
The LESS you CRAVE for it...
The HARDER it HITS you...
And leaves you struggling to breathe...
I remember being such a boyish and plain bookworm when we first met...
It was a stormy night at my favourite cafe. I was relaxing with a random girly novel, sipping away contentedly at one of the tables, when you stormed noisily into the cafe suddenly, catching everyone's attention with your shocking blonde hair, biker leather jacket, torn jeans and black leather boots. You were hiding from the storm it seemed, as your jacket was drenched and dripping wet. It left a wet trail as you walked stylishly over to the counter and ordered a coffee casually. Leaving a dishevelled waitress in your wake, she was totally mesmerized by you and had seemed to almost forgotten to breathe or close her gaping mouth.
I sat and observed from the safety of my table, and grinned slightly when I saw the waitress' face. That was when I realized that you were actually walking towards my direction. Hurriedly, I dove back to my book. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed that you've sat down a table away from me and started taking off your jacket and dried yourself with loads of paper napkins.
I stayed till closing hour, but the rain was still pouring heavily. I stood outside the cafe door staring at the rain. You stepped out too, and we both stood standing there looking up at the sky. I opened my umbrella and was starting to walk off, but when I looked back you were still standing there staring at the rain...
Me: Excuse me...
You turned your face to look at me quizzically.
Me: Do you need an umbrella?
You: Yeah... But...
Me (interrupting you): We can share mine if you don't mind... I'll...
You (jutting in): I'm riding a motorbike... So...
Me (embarrassed): I see... You don't hold umbrellas and ride at the same time... It's silly... I'll take my leave then... Good night...
I turned to walk off hurriedly towards the metro station. Totally embarrassed by my blunder. You were in biker gear... AND holding a helmet... HOW can I miss that?!!! I'm such a blur queen...
A black motorbike whizzed in front of me abruptly, interrupting my thoughts. I tried to stop, but clumsily tripped backwards instead, dropping the umbrella onto the road in my shock. The biker rushed off his bike and ran over to me. Lifting the visor over the helmet up, I saw the most beautiful pair of eyes that I've ever seen in my life staring back at me with concern. I admit it, I was totally taken... I fell for those eyes immediately... It was love at first sight... Literally...
You (concerned): Are you alright?
I nodded. You helped me up and got my umbrella back, which was already flooded by the rain and was still dripping water when you held it over me.
You (passing a helmet to me): Hop on... I'll give you a ride home...
Frankly speaking, I didn't know for sure that it was you behind that helmet, cos you didn't remove your helmet...
But when I had time to observe you while seated behind you in the bike. I recognized your clothes.
My first time initiating a conversation with a stranger...
My first time sharing an umbrella with a stranger...
My first time riding on a motorbike...
My first time sitting so close to someone from the opposite sex...
My first time hugging someone from the opposite sex...
You stole many of my first times that night...
I should had been mad at you...
But then...
You also stole my heart...
With those beautiful and soulful eyes of yours...
However, you gave me a greater shock by returning my love with yours...
On our first date, you gave me another shock by dyeing your hair to jet black, and even wore the most casual stuff you had. But even in your dressed down state, there were girls being mesmerized and taken by you as you walked by. They whispered and pointed at the mismatched me beside you. I pretended to smile to make you happy. It was our first date. I didn't want to make you unhappy. I was supposed to be enjoying myself. But I felt unbearably uncomfortable in my boyish and plain self walking beside you. Didn't the way I look embarrass you? For someone who could have any girl he wanted, plain ol' me seemed an incredibly out-of-this-world choice.
On our next date, I tried my best to dress up nicely for you, with make-up and hair all specially done up. But still there were critics commenting rather loudly about me as we strolled along the streets, with you holding my hand tightly in yours. Despite feeling uneasy, I pretended to be enjoying our date for your sake. I held on tight to your hand for support, as it gave me warmth and kept me feeling safe.
You brought me to the Han River at the end of the day to watch the sunset. While sitting on the grass and watching the river view, my mind was wandering off to the bad comments I'd been hearing the entire day. You leaned over to me and pushed away some stray hairs from my face. I turned to look at you, forcing a smile.
You: It's ok if you don't dress up, I love you just the way you are. To me, you're the most beautiful girl that I've ever met...
You leaned closer and planted a soft kiss on my forehead before pulling away to look at me.
My tears were falling uncontrollably upon hearing you say those words...
Those words that gave me confidence...
Those words that I could depend on to get me through even the most trying ordeals...
Me (choking from crying): I...
You (lovingly): It's okay... You don't need to say anything... I understand...
Your hands reached my face, wiping away the tears from my face.
You: Don't cry, my love... I'll always be here for you by your side... Don't forget...
You tilted my head up to face you. I tried hard to blink back my overflowing tears, but they kept escaping from my eyes.
Then...
You leaned forward...
And...
Quietly...
Unknowingly...
Stole another of my first times...
My first kiss...
I remembered how excited you looked when you told me about your dream...
The dream to fill the whole world with your own music...
Music without boundaries or limits...
Music that can reach out and touch everyone's hearts...
There wasn't much that I could do to help you with...
I could only listen to, encourage and cheer you on by staying by your side...
I never told you this...
But...
To me...
My dream had already come true...
Cos you were my dream...
My only dream...
I didn't wish for anything else anymore...
But...
Never would I foresee that our dreams would clash like fire and water...
It was either one or the other...
They could not coexist together...
Your company refused to sign a contract with you unless you were single. And you were not allowed to date with your contractual period. I know you struggled with this. And fought hard to remove this condition in your contract, but it was no use. Both of us knew it.
I became an obstacle to my beloved's dream...
We HAD to part...
It was the ONLY WAY for your dream to come true...
I had to leave you...
I didn't know how your life went on after I left. But everyday was a painful day for me, as almost everywhere that I went reminded me constantly of you, even though I was in a different country. It was like dejavu EVERY SINGLE DAY... I had to cry myself to sleep every night...
Returning a year later, the streets were plastered with your images. Your hair was back to blonde. I wasn't surprised. It made your bad boy style look more alluring. Fangirls were screaming while taking pictures of your billboards everywhere. But the beautiful eyes that I fell in love with exuded a sad bitterness that made my heart ache when I looked at them...
Maybe you really ARE an angel...
MY guardian angel...
Or it's a miracle...
Or our hearts are linked...
And you heard my cry for help...
Otherwise...
How could you had known that I was in danger and came to my rescue?
Late one night after work, I was walking home and there were a group of punks defacing a public wall while I was walking by. I had already tried VERY hard to ignore them, and walked as FAST as my legs could take me without attracting their attention. But they still saw me and gathered around me blocking my way. It was late, and no one was on the streets. I was terrified. I'd already given them ALL my valuables. But they still wanted more...
Me (crying helplessly in my heart): Help me...
I can still remember the pain when they sliced my arm repeatedly with their knives. Tears kept falling from my eyes from the pain... I was so scared I didn't even dare to fight back. I kept telling myself as long as they don't kill me... Or do anything worst... I can still live to see you for another day... This pain is nothing... It's nothing... My blood kept flowing and flowing together with my tears...
You (angrily): WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!! LET HER GO!!!
All of us looked over at you when you shouted. You got off your motorbike, and started running over to us. I stared you in shock. How did you know where I was? How did you know I was in danger? The punks got up to block you from getting to me. Before I knew it, there was already a knife on my throat... The punks were antagonized... It wasn't safe anymore... Not for me... And DEFINITELY not for you...
Me (choking from tears and fear): GO.... DON'T COME OVER... DON'T... COME... LEAVE... LEAVE... LEAVE!!!
SAVE YOURSELF...
You just got your dream. I didn't want anything to happen to destroy it. I just wanted you to be safe and happy. Nothing else mattered to me anymore. I already saw you again. It was sufficient. I was contented...
I didn't remember what happened next, I just remembered holding onto the punk's hand with the knife as tightly as I could even though my hands were already covered with cuts. I couldn't let them do anything worst to you. The next thing I knew my world had already gone black. The last image I saw was you looking at me from where you were standing.
When I woke, I was in the hospital ward covered in bandages. Alone. I didn't see you anywhere. Did you already leave? My heart ached with that thought in my mind. I was the one to ask you to leave. So there really wasn't any reason that you'd still be around. You were already kind enough to send me here. What more could I ask for?
You: You're awake?
You were standing at the doorway in patient uniform, with a bandage over your arm, bruises on your face, and cut on your lips.
You got hurt...
And it's all my fault...
Me (apologetically): I'm so sorry... Does it hurt?
You smiled and walked over to my bedside, and sat down beside me. You took my hand in yours gently.
You (sternly): Are you kidding me? Of cos it hurts!
Me (looking down sadly): Sorry... it's all my fault...
You tilted my head up to face you.
You (painfully): Of cos it hurts... It hurts to see you injured so badly, and I could do nothing to ease your pain...
My eyes opened wide in surprise.
Me: I meant your wounds... not mine... mine are... not important...
You (interrupting): Who says that you're not important?!!! You're the most important person in my life!!! How can my heart not ache seeing you hurt so badly?
Those few weeks in the hospital were the happiest days for me eversince we parted...
You visited me everyday without fail and kept me company till the nurses insisted that you went back to your ward when the visiting hours were over. When you were finally discharged, you still came everyday.
AND...
you dyed your hair back to black...
It was like black hair was the real you, and the blonde hair one was your alter-ego...
Or mask to hide the real you from the world...
Cos you always told me that you could be yourself fully when you were with me, and not have to hide anything or pretend to be somebody else...
On my day of discharge, you didn't come like usual. I was curious and worried. But when I called your mobile, there was also no response. Days went by and I kept trying to contact you, but there was no news at all. It was like you had disappeared. Without a trace...
A month later I saw you in a car on the streets. Your hair was back to blonde. I tried to catch your attention, but when you saw me from the car. You just looked away. Like I was a stranger. Like I didn't exist. From then on you never took my calls or called me at all. I didn't know what had happened. But you seemed to have changed overnight. Did you forget what you told me already? Or did you just not love me anymore?
I tried to get my life back on track again after this second heartbreak. But it was much harder than before. Everytime I saw the scars the punks left on my body, they reminded me of how you saved me, and then abandoned me... The cut you left in my heart was so much deeper than what they had done to me. I was bleeding inside. Slowly but surely losing all my smiles and vitality to sorrow and depression...
I was crossing the road one day in my half-zombie state, when a car sped towards the crossing and didn't stop. When I actually came out of my daze and saw it coming, somewhere in my heart I really wanted it to run me down and cease my pain. But then out of nowhere, I was pushed aside. I looked over at the car as a loud crash was heard.
Me: NO!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran over to your side. You had pushed me out of the car's way. I didn't know how. I didn't know why.
Me (sobbing): Why did you do that???!!!! Are you okay??? Can you hear me????!!!
You (weakly): I'm sorry... I... didn't... mean... to... ignore... you... But... my... company... threatened... to.... harm... you... if... I... continued... to... be... with... you...
Me (sobbing): It doesn't matter... I trust you... Don't talk so much... Save your energy...
My shaking hands tried to stop you from talking too much but to save your energy to keep yourself conscious. But my tears couldn't stop falling.
You (breathing weakly): Can't... keep... promise... anymore... Can't... stay... by... your... side... anymore... But... don't... forget... I... will... always... love... you....
Me: I love you too... Don't leave me... Please... Please...
Your beautiful eyes fluttered and closed.
Me: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! OPEN YOUR EYES!!!
I held onto you and cried incessantly while waiting for the ambulance that never came in time. I kissed your cold lips...
Blink...
Smell it...
And feel it...
Open... open your eyes...
Just look at me now...
You were everything in the world to me
My beloved...
I will dedicate this love to you
You will continue to live on in my heart eternally
I will be loving you forever within the time that continues endlessly
I will hold your dream in my heart and live on
Until the day we meet someday, within the time that continues endlessly
I'll never say good-bye
Even if you are reborn, nothing will change and I will love you endlessly...
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
Author's notes:
Wrote this while totally bawling my eyes out at some time in point, I don't know, but I do start crying when I wrote scenes that are too depressing... Which means I am depressing myself while I write them...
I wrote this one-shot from the first-person's viewpoint, with Jaejoong in mind as the male lead (You) and the reader will be (I)...
It will feel like a letter to one's deceased lover...
Inspired by one of Jaejoong's fave Japanese songs at the moment M-flo's "Yours Only"...
Please read the lyrics and listen to the song as you read the fan-fic...
It'll give you a totally different feel...
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
m-flo - Yours Only
Romaji & English translation by: cori
Thanks to Ryu for the help. ^^Please listen to track while reading, it can be heard here.Yarikirenai hi ni mo anata wa soba ni ite
Yawarakai kuuki de tsutsunde kureta
Sonna yasashii anata ga
Totsuzen sugiru hodo subete wo nokosu you ni
Kono yo wo satta
Even on the unbearable days, you were by my side
You wrapped me up with a tender atmosphere
Your gentle self has passed away so suddenly that it's like everything remains
but you left this world.
Kokochiyokute hoka ni wa nai shiawase to
Wakariaeru utsukushisa wo oshiete kureta anata ni
You taught me comfortable, incomparable happiness &
the beauty of being able to understand each other
* I will dedicate this love to you
Anata wa kono kokoro no naka de eien ni ikitsuzukeru
Mugen ni tsuzuku toki no naka de itsumademo ai shite iru kara
I'll never say good-bye
I will dedicate this love to you
You will continue to live on in my heart eternally
I will be loving you forever within the time that continues endlessly
I'll never say good-bye
"Kazaranakutemo ii arinomama no kimi wo
Ai shita n dakara" to hanashiteta yo ne
Sono kotoba tayori ni donna tsurai koto mo
Jishin wo motte norikoerareru...
"It's ok if you don't dress up,
I love you just the way you are," you said
I have confidence that those words I depended on
can get me through even the trying things
Sarigenakute totemo shizen na katachi de
Shinjiaeru subarashisa wo oshiete kureta anata ni
With a casual & very spontaneous form
you taught me the wonderfulness of being able to believe in each other
** I will dedicate this life to you
Watashi wa anata no yume wo mune ni daite ikite yuku
Mugen ni tsuzuku toki no naka de itsuka meguriau sono hi made
I'll never say good-bye
I will dedicate this love to you
I will hold your dream in my heart and live on
until the day we meet someday, within the time that continues endlessly
I'll never say good-bye
Tatoe umarekawattemo
Nani mo kawaranai soshite kagirinaku anata wo ai suru
Even if you are reborn,
nothing will change & I will love you endlessly
* repeat
** repeat
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
专属天使の悪戯なKiss m(~_~)m
Other fan fics we've written so far...
Destined 遐想 [Completed]
My Little Princess 나의작은공주 [Sequel to Serendipity 奇缘]
Last thing... Comments will be greatly appreciated!!!
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