Chapter 23: Everything
"I wished you wouldn't do this to yourself... You're making me regret everything from that day onwards... Maybe we shouldn't..." I thought to myself.
A drop of tear fell onto Jaejoong's face. He stirred in his drunken stupor, loosening his hands from my waist. I wiped away the tears from my face hurriedly, and pulled him up to a sitting position.
"What happened? How come we're here?" a half-sober Jaejoong asked when he woke up.
"Oh... you don't remember?"
Jaejoong shoke his head.
"*sigh* You were drunk, and you wandered out to the streets from the restaurant, and I had to follow you out to get you back, as the rest were all too drunk to do it..." I randomly made up something to tell him, as I did not want him to remember what had happened.
"Oh... I see..." Jaejoong shook his head as he was feeling dizzy from the alcohol.
"I'll go get you some tea first to clear your head..." I got up and ran towards the restaurant.
"Kiki!!!"
I turned back and shouted to him, "You just wait there... I'll be back in a minute...", and turned back to continue towards the restaurant.
Once inside the restaurant, I got a cup of hot tea and took it carefully back to Jaejoong.
"Be careful, it's very hot..." I said as I passed the cup to Jaejoong.
He took a small sip from the cup and placed it down beside him on the bench.
"Are you feeling any better?"
"Yeah..." He looked up at me, as I was still standing beside the bench.
When I noticed him looking at me, I looked away. He reached out his hand, wanting to pull me nearer to him. I stepped away.
"I think I'd better get back in the restaurant. They should probably be sober by now... We can't let them see both of us gone at the same time..."
I turned and started to walk back to the restaurant.
"I know we're in public now... But you don't have to be so cold to me... right?"
"I'm not..." I replied with my back facing him.
"Yes... you are..."
"No... I'm not..."
"Yes you are... You're not even looking at me when you're speaking to me..."
I bit my lip and turned around. He was standing behind me, and when I turned, I was facing him. I looked up at him.
"Are you angry with me? Was it something I did when I was drunk just now? If it's me, you can let me know... I'll apologize for my bad behaviour..."
I looked away. He took a step closer when he saw me look away. I took a step back when he advanced.
"It's something I did just now right? Won't you forgive me?"
He took another step forward and reached for me. I took another step back, avoiding his hand.
"It's not your fault. I just don't like to see people getting drunk... That's all... I'm going back now..."
I turned and started walking very fast towards the restaurant.
"KIKI!!!! WAIT!!!" I could hear Jaejoong shouting behind me.
I started running when I heard him calling my name. I couldn't stand it anymore. Hearing him apologize to me made me feel even worse. I knew all this was causing him a lot of pain. I just wanted to distance myself from him, whenever we're in the presence of the production team, at least until the project was over, so that he would not suffer so much.
He caught up with me and grabbed my arm, pulling me to face him.
"If you're not angry with me, why are you running away from me?"
I held my head low when I was facing him. The tears that I had forced back earlier had re-emerged, and were flooding my eyes, and blurring my vision. With his hands grabbing onto my arms, I couldn't wipe them away at all. I kept blinking to try to force the tears back, but instead they overflowed out and trickled down my face.
"KIKI!!!" Jaejoong shook my shoulders.
"Stop it!!! You're hurting me!!!" I looked up and shouted at him, and attempted to struggle free from his grip.
He realised that I was crying, and immediately loosened his grip.
"Mianeyo... Did I hurt you? Mianeyo... I..." He fussed over me apologetically.
"Jaejoong... I don't want to see you getting yourself drunk over this relationship..."
"I wasn't getting drunk because of our relationship..." He argued.
Then it dawned on him. He finally remembered what had happened earlier at the restaurant.
"Whatever happened just now, it was just the alcohol..."
"If it's causing you so much trouble that you need to get yourself drunk to forget it all... I think.... it's better that... we have some time... apart..."
He stepped towards me, and grabbed my hand.
"You're just saying this out of anger... I'll disregard this... Come let's go back to the restaurant now..."
He tugged my hand and pulled me along as he walked towards the restaurant.
"Anio... Jaejoong... I'm serious... I think I should just pull out from this project and let my team leader get another PM to handle this project... Cos I don't think you can work... with me around..."
Jaejoong stopped and turned around to face me. He placed his hands on my shoulder and leaned down so that his face was level with mine.
"Anio... You don't know what you're saying..."
"I think I know what I'm doing very well..."
"Anio... You don't understand..."
"I do... You're frustrated..."
"NE!!! I'M FRUSTRATED!!!"
"And you won't be able to work like this... The only solution is for me to pull out..."
"You don't understand!!! I'm not frustrated cos you're in the project... I..."
His grip tightened around my shoulders. His eyes showed angst and despair.
"I'm frustrated with myself... cos I can't have a normal open relationship... I wanna be able to go on dates with you in public... I wanna be able to hold your hand in public... I wanna be able to hug you in public... I wanna be able to tell everyone I know that you're mine... And that I love you... Sarangheyo..."
My eyes were blurred from the tears in my eyes, and I felt my heart break when I heard what he said.
"Joongie... "
"So please... please don't talk about leaving anymore... I need you every minute, every day..."
"It's not your fault... You shouldn't torture yourself drinking like that... It's so bad for your health... It pains my heart to see you getting yourself so drunk..."
"I won't do it again... I promise... But you must promise me that you will stay on this project no matter whatever comes our way... No matter whatever others may say... Cos you know my heart belongs to you..."
I smiled, he pulled me into his arms. After hugging for awhile, I realised that we were not supposed to be doing this in public.
"Joongie!!! You're not supposed to do this in public!!!"
I struggled to push him away. But he pulled me back into his arms.
"I don't care..."
"But you promised me earlier..."
"Yeah... And you said I could do anything I wanted as long as we're not in public... But you went back on your words also... So it doesn't count..."
"What?!!! I didn't go back on my words... I just..."
"So I can do anything yeah?"
"Just let go of me already!!!"
"You haven't replied me yet..."
I made one last desperate push to push myself away from him, but to no avail.
"ARGH!!! You're bullying me...."
"No... I'm bargaining..."
He pulled himself slightly away so that he faced me.
"Since our deal earlier doesn't stand, I can do whatever I want now... So..."
He started leaning nearer and nearer to me.
"Joongie!!! Stop it!!! What do you think you're doing?!!!! AHHH!!!!"
"Isn't it obvious? I... wanna... kiss... you..."
He leaned nearer and nearer, pouting his lips. With his hands tightly around my waist, I couldn't push myself away from him much at all.
"AHHHH!!! OKAY OKAY!!!"
He stopped advancing.
"So I can do ANYTHING right?"
"YES YES YES... Just let go of me already!!!!"
He grinned cheekily, and leaned forward and gave me a very quick peck on my lips before letting go of me.
"Ha ha ha ha ha...." Jaejoong's musical laughter could be heard as he escaped from the "scene of crime", running towards the restaurant.
"AHHHH!!! NOT FAIR!!! You tricked me!!! I don't care, the deal doesn't count!!!! Get back here!!! KIM JAE JOONG!!!" I covered my lips and exclaimed, and started running towards him.
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"It's you. You make me sing. You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."
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