Serendipity 奇缘 - Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Unforgettable

It's already been 3 months since Jaejoong has left...

No doubt we do try to keep in touch by going online every night to Skype each other. But due to the piling work for both of us, exhaustion slowly crept in. I would be yawning and rubbing my eyes after an hour or so of chatting cos of working whole day in front of the computer editing, color grading or out in the sun filming. Or he would be yawning and stretching from running around the entire day doing publicity, signings, interviews, etc.

We weren't able to chat for as long as we wanted every night, because if Jaejoong saw me yawning or rubbing my eyes, he would always thoughtfully ask me if I'm tired, and would ask me to rest early and chat another day. And I would also do the same if I noticed him stretching...

Sometimes I would insist that we continue chatting despite feeling sleepy. And once I was so tired from work that when he was playing a new song he had composed to me over Skype, I dozed off listening to him playing and singing... And I only woke up when he stopped. So he insisted that I go to rest immediately and that he'll email me a video of him playing the song so that I can view it when I'm more refreshed...

Ain't he the sweetest and most thoughtful guy a girl could ever ask for?

But slowly as my work required me to work late nights or even until the wee hours, I wasn't able to Skype with him that regularly anymore... And he also had to go abroad for publicity and wasn't able to go online as regularly...

Daily Skype sessions slowly became weekly affairs. And weekly sessions became fortnightly online chats...

I felt like we were drifting apart... And I guess the feeling was mutual... But it's just that he didn't want to talk about it, but that doesn't mean that the problem doesn't exist...

One day I plucked up my courage and wrote an email to him while bawling my eyes out...

Joongie,
Please don't take this the wrong way... But I think both of us know what is happening...
We're slowly drifting apart cos of our work...
I know how much music means to you...
And I hope that you will put 100% of you into your music and not be distracted...
You know that I love you most when you are performing your music with your heart and soul...
To me...
To your fans...

I know that I'm distracting you from your music...
I don't wish to be an obstacle to your dreams anymore...
So for your sake, TVXQ's sake and your fans' sake...
I think it's best that we take some time apart...

Please understand and don't take this the wrong way...
I love you and I always will...
But I don't wish to obstruct you from your dreams...
Or your destiny...
Sarang hamnida...

All my love,
Kiki

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For the next month, I didn't go online at all. I didn't even look at my personal emails. I kept myself buried in work from day to night. You can say I practically lived at the office. I had no life at all. It was all work and no play. I couldn't stop. Once I went home to my room I would see the posters of TVXQ, or hear their songs, and I would start crying non-stop.

After the first month, I decided that I had to remove all visible signs of TVXQ to prevent myself from bawling whenever I came back home. I took down all the posters and kept all the CDs. I even deleted all the related files from my laptop and desktop. I wanted to erase everything. But I kept my phone contacts though... Even though I got a new mobile number to prevent them from calling me... I was uncontactable to anyone of them... No one in TVXQ... I even kept my new number a secret from Fifi and Theo... That was my plan... Cos if I'd informed anyone of my new number, there was a chance that he would be able to get it... And if he managed to contact me, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from thinking of him...

It was really hard trying to push someone out of your life. Especially if it was someone who meant the world to you, even if it was for a short period of time...

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Another 3 months later...

"Kiki, we're going to Korea for a filming project next month." My boss said during a meeting.

"WHAT??!!!"

"Yeah. And we're going to be there for a couple of months, since it's a drama series that we're filming. We'll probably be staying at rented houses for the period of time that we'll be there. Of course, you'll be getting your own house, since you're the only female."

I stared at my boss in disbelief. After so many months of hard work and tears, trying so hard to forget him. Now, I'm moving to his country?!!! I don't think my heart can take it.

"Do I have to go?"

"Of course, you are the production manager. We need you to coordinate the shoots, talents, locations, etc. And probably help out with the offline edits. What's wrong? You don't wish to go? Is it cos it's for such a long period?"

"Erm... no.... it's okay... I'll go..."

It's alright. Korea is so big, what are the odds of us meeting each other?

"That's good. Oh, by the way, we're staying in Seoul."

"HUH!!!"

"Yeah. It's a collaboration with a local company. You'll know more when we get there."

I can't believe this. Now we're going to be both in Seoul. I think I'd better buy some 4D today. Cos my luck is too impeccable today. I can't believe this...

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Moving into my Seoul apartment...

So far everything has gone well, I didn't meet any of them. But I was greeted by loads of TVXQ posters, ads, merchandise, etc ever since I landed. Today I was moving into the apartment after staying at the hotel for a night...

My colleagues' house was a floor below mine, cos the other apartment in the same floor was already taken.

As the movers moved my stuff into the apartment, I looked at my neighbour's door and wondered what they were like. Were they a generous old Korean couple, lovey-dovey newly-weds, or a family with several cute kids...

"Miss, all your stuff are inside already."

My thoughts were interrupted by the movers.

"Ah... Kamsahamnida... Here's something for everyone. Thanks for all your help." I pushed some notes into the man's hand when I shoke it.

"Kamsahamnida Miss. Enjoy your stay in Korea!"

I bid my goodbye to the movers and went into my new home for the new few months. It had an open concept kitchen which linked to the living room. The rooms were inside along a corridor. There were 3 rooms and one toilet. I moved back out to the living room and started unpacking.

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Meanwhile...

"What's all that noise coming from? I can't concentrate on my song writing with this racket going on!!!" Jaejoong railed.

"Jaejoong-hyung... I think there's someone moving in today... I saw a lot of movers moving boxes into the house next door earlier..." Max replied.

"But they can't make so much noise... It's disruptive to neighbours!!!"

"Hyung... they're not really THAT noisy..." Xiah commented.

"If THIS is NOT NOISY, I don't know WHAT is!!! I've gotta put a stop to this!!"

"HYUNG!!!"

Jaejoong stormed out of the house before anyone could stop him, and slammed the door behind him.

"Hyung is so angry these days... He gets agitated so easily..."

"It's probably cos he can't contact Kiki... It's upsetting him so much..."

"Yeah... He's trying to hide it, but we can all sense his pain... It's like he became a totally changed man..."

All four of them signed and went back to their song writing...

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*DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG*

"Strange? Who could it be at this time? Can't be the guys want a meeting NOW? I'm still unpacking..."

*DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG*

"COMING!!! JUST A MINUTE!!!"

"So impatient..."

"Why does that voice sound so familiar?" Jaejoong thought. He shoke that thought off and continued pressing repeatedly at the doorbell.

I reached the door and tried to look through the eye-hole. But it was too high for me and I couldn't reach it.

"Dreads. Why do they make all the eye-holes SO DAMN HIGH!!"

*DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG*

"*sign* Who is it?"

*DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG*

"*sign* I think he can't even heard me from all the ringing..."

Having no choice, since there was no door chain, I opened the door slightly to see who it was.

"NO WAY!!!"

My eyes widened in shock, and I couldn't believe who I saw at my door. In my shock, I didn't realise that I had spoken my thoughts out. And when he saw me opening the door he had looked up, and when he heard my voice he stared at me in shock.

I slammed the door shut immediately, locked it and ran into my room. My heart was racing like crazy and I felt like I was going to faint any moment from hyperventilation.

"No way. No way... It can't be Jaejoong. It must be my own imagination. It's a mirage. It's a dream. It'll be gone before I know it." I kept blabbering.

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Jaejoong stood at the door in shock. Unable to register what had just happened. Was it really Kiki that he saw? Or was it his own imagination? Cos he missed her so much?

Either way, he had to see the person behind the door once more to confirm it. He pressed the doorbell again. This time even more urgent that before.

When there was no response. He started banging the door with his fist.

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*DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG*

The doorbell started ringing again. And this time it was more urgent than before.

I buried my head with pillows.

"Please... just go away... I don't need this now... This is all a dream... It's not real..."


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"OPEN UP!!! OPEN THE DOOR NOW!!!" Jaejoong shouted desperately outside the door.

His shouts and loud banging alerted the guys and they had come out of the house to see what's happening.

"Hyung, what's wrong? Aren't you taking this a bit too far?"

"This is going to be our neighbour for some time after all... Shouldn't we settle this amicably?"

"Yeah... Now you're the one who's making a lot of noise..."

"Guys... I think I saw Kiki..."

"Huh??!!!"

"I think I saw Kiki... I think she is our new neighbour!!!"

"WHAT!!!"

"KIKI-NUNA!!! OPEN THE DOOR NOW!!!! KIKI-NUNA!!!!" Max shouted at the door.

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I threw away the pillow in frustration. It was not working at all. And now I was hearing Max's voice also. In my frustration I stormed back out to the door.

Since they're going to know sooner or later, I might as well let them know now...

I opened the door.

"NUNA!!!! IT'S REALLY YOU!!!" Max shouted and pushed the door open and rushed in to give me a hug.

I was pushed back a few steps when he hugged me. The rest of the guys looked at me in disbelief.

"Kiki, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for a filming project..."

"So you're staying HERE?"

"Yeah..."

"For how long?"

"A couple of months I think... Until the project is over..."

"YEAH!!!! Nuna will be here with us for some time..."

"I guess so..."

For the whole time, I didn't once look at Jaejoong. I avoided his eyes totally. Mentally skipping his face whenever I needed to shift my eyes from one person to another. But I know that he was staring at me the whole time... And his eyes exuded a pain that broke my heart...

There was an awkward silence, as the guys were expecting Jaejoong to say something to me. But he didn't.

"Erm... Do you need any help unpacking? We can help you out!"

"Am I interrupting your work?"

"Of course not. We're just doing some random stuff... We can spare some time to help you out..."

"Thanks guys. Can you please help me set up the computer workstation? It's giving me a headache... All the cables and stuff..."

"I'll take care of that nuna... Xiah-hyung can you help me?"

"Kamsahamnida Max... Thanks Xiah..."

"Anything else?"

"Erm.... How about moving these suitcases for me into my room? And those boxes there into the work room?"

"Okay! Micky come on, let's get to work!"

"Kamsahamnida guys..."

I ushered the guys into corridor and when I turned back I realised that there was only Jaejoong and me left in the living room. I looked down and walked over to close the door. My heart skipped a beat when I walked past Jaejoong. But he didn't move an inch.

I closed the door and as I turned around I realise that Jaejoong had already turned himself to face me, and was walking towards me. I wanted to move away from the door as fast as possible, as he was only half a metre away. But he had already reached me before I could react.

My heart started racing again, even though I looked down as he stood before me.

"Do you know how much I missed you?"

When I heard those words, tears welled in my eyes. I tried blinking them away as hard as I could. I remained looking down...

"Do you know I almost went crazy when I saw your email... You were totally uncontactable... You ignored my emails, my calls, my smses... I couldn't concentrate on my work at all for the first month... If it wasn't for the guys reminding me that you would have wanted me to concentrate on my work, I'd never have been able to go back to work at all... I was too devastated..."

"STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! I don't want to hear anymore!!!"

I struggled to try to push my way past him. But he grabbed my arms instead and pinned me to the door.

"I don't believe that you can forget me that easily... You must still love me as much as I love you..."

"I don't..."

"I don't believe you..."

"I don't..."

"If it's true, why won't you look at me when you say it?"

He knew that I won't be able to say it if I'd look at him. I had to prove to him that I could, in order to kill all his hopes. I took a deep breath and I looked up at him.

Once I looked up, he suddenly leaned in to kiss me before I could say anything. I struggled at first, trying to push him away, but he was stronger than me, and I was already slowly melting in his arms. I couldn't hold back my emotions anymore, and I started giving in to his kiss. When he felt me giving in, he pulled me closer into his arms and hugged me tighter. After a long passionate kiss, we finally separated.

"I..."

"It's okay... I know you're trying to push me away for my own good... But I need you to understand something..."

He leaned nearer to me.

"I need you more than you think... I can't work without seeing your face, or hearing your voice... I just can't... For the past few months... I've been nothing like myself... I was like a living corpse... I had no soul... I had no heart in anything that I did... Cos my heart was already broken when I lost all contact with you..."

"Mianhamnida... I didn't know..."

"I just want you to know that I don't wish to be everything to everyone... But I would like to be something to you... I JUST need YOU..."

"Jaejoong... I..."

"It's okay... As long as you promise me that you won't ever leave me again like that... I won't be able to take it a second time if you did..."

"Okay..."

"I want you to promise me..."

"I promise that I'll stay by your side for as long as I live..."

He smiled, and pulled me into his arms.

"Na-do (me too)..."

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"Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he's afraid of losing you."